Colorado Total Eclipse Festival

✬ Music so loud you can hear it without your hearing aid!
✬ Lasers so bright they'll remove your cataracts
✬You won't have to use the dreaded portos because we'll all be in Depends!
✬ Everyone will have their own oxygen bar!
✬ You'll be able to dance the night away because everyone will have new hips and knees!
✬ You won't have to worry about getting the time off of work because you'll be living the retired life!

✬ Be sure to check out the denture cleaning camp!
✬ The food vendors will all be featuring spectacular mashed foods!
✬ Free viagra in every schwag bag!
✬ (Sexy) Hospice nurses on-site!
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